The Babylon Bee has acquired CNN


  • Yeah, and it’s not easy to satirize these fuckers.
  • BURLINGTON, VT—Bernie Sanders has been fired from the Bernie Sanders campaign for refusing to work even a few hours a week.

    The campaign released a statement Monday confirming that Bernie Sanders has been let go.
    "I'm sorry, Bernie, but we're gonna have to let you go," said assistant campaign manager Mark Carl. "You lounge around all day just ranting about the bourgeoisie and the need for a revolution. But you only put in a few hours and just complain a lot, expecting other people to do all the hard labor."
    Sanders slammed the campaign's decision: "Nobody has the desire and drive to seize the means of production that I do. I mean, I wouldn't personally be the one doing the seizing. I'd hire people for that. But still."
    This isn't the first time Sanders was asked to leave an organization, such as the time he was kicked out of a commune for being lazy or the time he lost his job at a Vermont grocery store for making people stand in line for bread, just for fun. Sanders was reportedly angered by the grocery store's decision and vowed never again to work a job in his life, a vow he's kept religiously.
  • Hilarious
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